Is Silence Enough
The Silence- Prayers ,Cries, Moving but the absence of God/His Presence.
In the silent and loud cries as a child laid a hope He’d hear me. In due time He would- in short pit stops along the way - and a time that would change the trajectory of my life. A peace that passed all understanding would land,and from there I’d take off. I wanted to learn all that I could about God ; He had saved my life.
Prayer was a thing that took place all my life. It wasn’t daily but it was an escape in which i knew of. As a little girl I’d pray about it all - even go down to the alter with boldness and cry at the feet of Jesus. That’s just what I knew , but I’d never understand how things would take place.
As I grew older, over time some of my prayers I whispered as a young girl would take place in my life. I’d then treasure how He came in my silence : When I cried much and couldn’t see, when I prayed, yet felt unanswered in the moment , and as I stood below the covering of someone’s mouth feeling helpless.
Eventually, as I grew in my faith, I’d get caught up in the perfectionism of my words and forget where I had come from as a little girl. I’d get distracted by the audience and the pressure of wanting everything right I’d, loose sight In Him wanting it all.
In the prayer of myself and others I’d find myself in doubt - if we were being heard or if the Holy Spirit was there - because I didn’t get a feeling I’d become accustomed to over time. Because of those thoughts and lack of feelings, there would a roadblock. I’d ask myself and God what was going on, and the Lord would reply, “is silence enough?”
I’d see many people praying until they sweat, cry out, be so in-tuned, and I questioned what I gave - because mine didn’t appear as such or enough. Because of a slip - up of one or a few words I’d question if the prayer was for me or was it worthy. I’d get so lost in the physical appearance or emotional state of prayer and not see the heart nor hear the words behind it.
As I sit and reflect on those prayers today - I or another may have butchered a few words in, and the lack of warmth/chills that would come upon one in a hot or cold room, I see that God was still there. In those moments where we prayed for His light to shine , He’d come - not always then, but always on time. And what I saw as imperfect and useless, He saw as rawness and purpose.
I thank God for His grace, because just when we think we have it all together, a little nugget appears at the surface showing why we rely on him daily and sit humbly at his feet. I close this out by saying, is silence enough when heartfelt words fill the room? is laying at the altar enough,knowing that God will provide you with your needs - and some blessings of your wants?